From birth, we die

I always have trouble sleeping. I am not an insomniac, but I am a busy man with a variable schedule. Gym ownership doesn’t always reward you with a set schedule daily. Therefore, waking up one day at 8am and the other at 4am can throw your body into a loop of “what the fuck time do I go to bed at!!?” hell.

Using CBD/THC to sleep has been a major assist. Stockton-like it in’s effectiveness. Right now, everyone 30 and under wonders if I mean Stockton, CA, and what the hell is that supposed to mean here?

A [client] sent me a wonderful book suggestion after reading my prior article. He is a Philosophy Professor, and his words on my article touched me.

“As you know, it also really chimes with my own thought and approach to life (influenced by Nietzsche among others) — but I think you capture something really unique…”

“If you haven’t already thought about, I think you should consider writing your own book. Maybe a short 80 page thing — basically your philosophy — I feel it would help many people that otherwise would struggle to access these types of thoughts and dispositions.”

To say it flattered me is an understatement. He is a professor, published researcher, and published author. This opinion means the world to me.

The book he suggested was “The Trouble with Being Born,” by Emil Cioran. I bought it on Kindle immediately and set aside time to tackle it mentally.

The other night, I laid out in bed, feeling the effects of the THC, giving me that familiar sense of intense lethargic focus while getting stuck on these words:

“The obsession with birth proceeds from an exacerbation of memory, from an omnipresence of the past, as well as from a craving for the impasse, for the first impasse. — No openness, hence no joy from the past but solely from the present, and from a future emancipated from time.”

That is where I ended my evening reading, not because I couldn’t read more, but I read those words dozens of times. The words fixated me on them, and, they trapped me. My eyes wouldn’t go forward, and the THC focus turned into a focus burning a hole in the screen.

“The obsession with birth proceeds from an exacerbation of memory, from an omnipresence of the past, as well as from a craving for the impasse, for the first impasse.”

This book takes the stance of the existential problem in life, not death, but birth. We didn’t ask to be born, and the dark humor of it all lies in the fact we were thrust onto this shitty globe with nothing but a breast to cry for and a lifetime of forks in the road.

We often fill our life memories with what-if’s, what-the-fucks, and what-happened? The exacerbation of those memories is a reaffirming view of where you went wrong, and turn themselves into a perpetual loop in your head. Your failures become magnified if you stare too long, and your forks become wrong turns.

The impasse will live forever in the past. Those insurmountable events are ironed into our psyche, because we know our life and it is real. Instead of seeing a view unobstructed by the view ahead, we often see it through a lens of past events, as if they magically predict the future in individual cases. We will essentially cripple the future with thoughts of the past, unless we understand the simplicity in which you can theoretically kill the memory of what used to be.

Men, especially, have a tough time moving forward when we perceive the best years of our life behind us. We are burdened with what might have been, what we once were, and thoughts of missed opportunities in life, relationships, and career.

Therein lies the crisis of birth. It is all downhill from here. Your day of entry is a countdown for when we close our eyes for the last time, and we all know that day is coming. Fear of that day can hold the best intentions back if you allow it.

“No openness, hence no joy from the past but solely from the present, and from a future emancipated from time.”

This passage defines it all.

The past isn’t a source of joy. Even the fondest memory fades, becomes a relic of passing time, and our identity has changed into what we are today. Reminding yourself of the past excessively prevents the adaptation of your identity to the present. Lamentations, regrets, ruminations, and analysis about past events are pointless from a psychological perspective.

You are who you are today because of past events, but being molded isn’t the same as being trapped.

The future is endless. Time opens the barn door for progress. The type that can only be made richer through the embracing of the present moment.

The heart of this philosophical book is the marriage between Existentialism and Nihilism. Man’s quest to find his purpose while being married to a doomed world. As I wrote in my prior article, the concept of Existentialism combined with Nihilism allows you to find your meaning despite the world being uncertain, and the aforementioned passed from Cioran’s work sums it up.

“The obsession with birth proceeds from an exacerbation of memory, from an omnipresence of the past, as well as from a craving for the impasse, for the first impasse. — No openness, hence no joy from the past but solely from the present, and from a future emancipated from time.”

The crisis of life is not death, but “what the fuck am I here for?”

Read about my client’s stellar accomplishments here.

Pick up a copy of the “The Trouble with Being Born.”

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Jay Ashman

Jay Ashman

This is a public journal. I write what I want, how I want, for the reasons I want. Follow and subscribe for musings.

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