From my mailing list.

It is 6:50 am on a Sunday, and I am up working on the weekly workouts for my clients and some residual nutrition check-ins that were late. The sun isn’t out yet, as the best part of daylight savings time has yet to manifest, and it’s 17 degrees outside. Winter is hanging on for dear life.

I have this list I have rarely used for the past few years as my mental energy for the fitness business was slowly declining. I am writing more often, forcing myself to do these 3–4 times a week. You are my practice and my muse.

I was burning out. Owning a gym and giving it everything I had took the soul from me. I gave up my life for a building. It was worth it for a short time until it wasn’t, and I was hanging on with resentment for two years too long.

I started to hate my business, and I didn’t want to. I am a good coach. Flawed but good. Why should I hate the industry I made home since 1998 because of a building and a gym name? I decided to leave, and I never looked back.

There is a certain amount of status from owning a business, and I would be crazy to admit that it didn’t play a role in my hanging on to it for so long. People knew me as the owner of that gym, and the business networking it took to build it paid off in other ways from a gym membership. There was a lot of pride in being that guy, but I was dying inside from the stress. I started to slowly redevelop my love for training people again instead of feeling the weight of the world on my neck from the obligations of a brick-and-mortar.

I had no life. My mental health was suffering badly. I was stressed constantly. I would go to my gym feeling instant anxiety and disassociated from reality while working. I was incapable of being the coach I am because of the pressure cooker inside me.

What started as the apex of my career, the culmination of a dream, ended in me walking away from everything to regain myself. The dream came true, but as the saying goes, “be careful what you wish for.”

I am sifting through the emotions from the last five years to move forward. I am happy today, but the chaos of getting here was real. My life changed in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

I used to thrive under chaos as I would speed and rush to get everything done and then find time for myself when I could. I don’t want that life anymore. I don’t want to race through it, only enjoying a taste of it when I collapse in exhaustion. I have lived that way since NYC, and it was getting old.

I have started to love coaching again while getting back to the roots of personal training rather than gym ownership. I have more time for myself and am still re-learning how to manage my time without the crushing pressure of doing it all. Having more time for myself is weird, but let’s make the best of it.

I can take on more online clients and feel confident giving enough energy and time to help them. I can take on personal training clients and provide them with the attention they need. I can write more and redevelop the voice I lost with my lack of writing. Writing was terribly hard when you felt resentment, anger, and stress.

The sun is coming up; it’s 7:23 am. I have spent 30 minutes listening to Ambient music and writing this email.

What was the purpose of it?

I guess transparency and me being me. I missed many years of career development by focusing on something that didn’t bring me joy but pain and stress. Sure, it was mine, but it was also my Achille’s Heel, and I do not miss it one fucking bit.

Spring is coming soon, and you can feel it despite winter still hanging on for its last desperate breath. The days are getting longer and longer. My motorcycle is getting a new battery (under warranty) at the dealership while they prep it up after a winter of riding it sparingly.

Three years ago this month, the pandemic shut down KC for two months. Our gym was among them. Two years ago this month, my marriage was in a state of separation as we grew apart without a single way to fix it. In March 2023, there is nothing but open skies, freedom, and the chaos of the past several years is gone.

In a way, it makes me feel like the last comic strip of my beloved Calvin and Hobbes.

“It’s a magical world, Hobbes, old buddy. Let’s go exploring.”

Thank you for taking this ride with me. Some of you have been around for a long time and have seen me evolve, change, and grow. I appreciate every one of you for reading this.

I like being the coach. I am good at it. It’s a rewarding life where I get to interact, meet people worldwide, and help them.

What more can I ask for?

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We all need a coach now and then, whether it’s for your nutrition, training, or organizing your life in the chaos of obligations.

I am here to help.

If you want to discuss how send me a message, and our consultation is free.